Girls, are you constantly bothered by the clawing attentions of the male sex? Well here's the solution for you. Get my new bestseller, 100 Easy Ways to Lose a Man!
Chapter one: the first way to lose a man
You've met a charming fellow and you're out for a spin
The motor fails and he just wears a helpless grin
Don't bat your eyes and say, "What a romantic spot we're in"
Just leap out, crawl under the car, tell him it's the gasket, and fix it in two seconds flat with a bobby pin.
That's a good way to lose a man.
He takes you to a baseball game, you sit knee to knee
He says, "The next guy up at bat will bunt, you'll see."
Don't say, "Ooh, what's a bunt? This game's too hard for little old me. I mean it's just like, it's so confusing, with all the rules, I just don't get it..."
No. Just say, "Bunt? Are you nuts?! With no outs, two men on base, and a left-handed batter coming up, he'll walk right into a triple play, just like what happened in the fifth game of the World Series of 1923."
That's a sure way to lose a man.
A sure, sure, sure, sure way to lose a man
A splendid way to lose a man
Just shove your knowledge in his face, he'll never try for second base.
Ninety-eight ways to go...
The third way to lose a man.
The life-guard at the beach that all the girlies adore
Swims bravely out to save you through the ocean's roar
Don't say, "Oh, thanks, I would have drowned in just one second more."
Just push his head underwater and yell
"Last one in is a rotten egg!" and race him back to shore
That's a swell way to lose a man
You've found your perfect mate and it's been love from the start
He whispers,"You're the one to who I give my heart"
Don't say, "Aww babe, I love you too, let's never, never part."
Just say,"I'm afraid you've made a grammatical error.
It's not 'to' who I give my heart,' it's 'to whom I give my heart.'
You see with the use of the preposition 'to,' 'who' becomes the indirect object, making the use of the word 'whom' imperative which I can easily explain to you by showing you on a very simple chart--where are you going? Oh god..."
That's a fine way to lose a man.
A fine, fine, fine, fine way to lose a man
A dandy way to lose a man
Just be more well-informed than he
You'll never hear "Oh, promise me"
Just show him where his grammar errs
And mark your towels "hers" and "hers."
Yes, girls, you too can lose your man
If you just use this simple plan:
One hundred easy ways to lose a man!
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